I want to sit at a table on a cool summer evening with people I love and people I barely know. I want to pass around plain white dishes, each brimming with something fresh, flavorful, and hearty. I want ice cold pitchers of lemony water to drip condensation as rings across the table cloth, and to pour countless cucumber-y Pimm's Cups for people, to sip and be merry. I want to tear crusty bread and dip it in fresh olive oil. For dessert it will be bowls of warm ricotta drizzled with honey, dotted with sweetened balsamic reduction, and decorated with plump blackberries. Thick, fruity red wine that hits the tip of your tongue like syrup.
Long and slow, standing and sitting, music dancing among strings of lights tousled by chilly breezes. Not perfect, because it can't be, but perhaps the most pure and hopeful taste of that to come.
On Saturday I took Aaron to a vineyard as a surprise day date for his birthday. We'd been wanting to go wine tasting for a while, and this seemed like the perfect occasion. The day was sunny and cool, an unusual temperature since last week's heat spurt. Recent rain had left airy clouds dotting the sky, flat on the bottom as if they were sitting on a plane of glass, but puffy as could be on top. I made a messy breakfast for him and we left around noon, arriving at the vineyard in the early afternoon. We quickly tasted five wines, choosing a dry, irony red. It was warm in the sun, but we sat for a couple of hours, sipping our wine and munching on its favorite fare- cheese, crackers, nuts, fruit, chicken salad with avocado on sourdough.
It was simple, an afternoon of relaxation and chatting and connecting. Just what was needed. Not perfect, but a glimpse of glory.
In all this change going on, I need those glimpses. I need some consistency but I also need some getaways. Life is transitioning in basically every way possible, and I'm hesitant to even think about it at the risk of all stable ("stable") parts of me erupting and spilling over onto everyone and everything around. But these little things are helpful. I can't really handle inserting myself into next week, so I'm just not doing that. I don't have a lot of creative energy lately, but I'm utilizing what comes to mind. All of me is pretty tired and numb, but still wonderful things are happening. So I go with the energy I have for the day, and even though my capacity is no more than a ramekin, I know it's okay. Still enjoying beautiful things. Forced to be calm and thankful. It is what it is, and it's where I've been situated, so I know it is good.
Side note- Aaron bought me a new lens for graduation! Blown away, totally thankful. All for the best for my eyes and yours.